As real, Bible-believing Christians know, young earth creationist extraordinaire Ken Ham has shown us the way, the truth, and the life…about Genesis 1-11. But perhaps his most extraordinary contribution to the human race has been his work regarding Noah’s flood in Genesis 6-9.
Kinds, Technology, and Dinosaurs
Ken Ham has actually been able to reveal to us the truth about how Noah was able to get all kinds of animals (“kinds” meaning a modern scientific classification of animals) onto the ark. Apparently, Noah was able to bring all these animals onto the ark, which he was able to build by hiring thousands of workers…who mocked him (see “claim #5” in this post). As Ham’s colleague Tim Chaffey wrote, “The Bible does stress the wickedness of man prior to the Flood, but just like today, ungodly people may have been willing to work for a godly man.” So, you might ask, where did Noah get all this money to pay these ungodly workers doomed to die in the flood? That should be obvious. Even though the Bible doesn’t tell us, I believe he was able to pay them from the Adam and Eve family trust.
In addition to hiring godless workers, Noah also had access to advanced technological equipment that probably dwarfed the current advanced technology we have today. Like Ken Ham has said in his post defending building his own ark (see claim #7 in this post):
“By the time of the Flood, who knows what technology people may have invented? The fantastic technology we enjoy today is the result of an accumulation of knowledge gained over the past few hundred years. Think how far technology has advanced in just 200 years! We can’t even imagine what many people might have invented by the time of Noah, about 4,400 years ago (approximately 1,600 years after Creation). Who knows what remarkable things were created by geniuses when Noah was building the great Ark? And with people living so long before the Flood, there would have been an incredible increase in knowledge. Imagine people like Alexander Graham Bell, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and others living for hundreds of years and what they may have achieved!
It’s very possible that Noah had technology that would have astounded us (and we would have envied)! And for those scoffers who say that if Noah had such technology we would find evidence of it, they need to understand the sheer destructive processes of the global Flood. It essentially obliterated the pre-Flood world.”
Yes, he actually has put this down in print. Amazing, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but that makes it pretty clear to me: the smart phone, personal computer, laser-guided missiles, space shuttle, and the Mars Rover would have been considered absolutely prehistoric to a man like Noah!
In any case, Ken Ham has conclusively shown, remarkably without any evidence, that Noah was able to take two of every “kind” of animal onto the ark. This included dinosaurs, apparently 50 kinds of dinosaurs, including t-rexes and brontosauri.
Now, secular scientific skeptics who are beholden to the anti-God religion of evolution will not question this clear fact. “How could Noah have gotten two t-rexes and two brontosauri onto the ark?” they will mockingly ask. What pathetic fools they are! Isn’t it obvious? Noah didn’t take two full-grown t-rexes and two full-grown brontosauri onto the ark. Ken Ham says that Noah took baby t-rexes and baby brontosauri onto the ark. It’s only logical that that is the way Noah did it.
How do we know this? Because the Bible doesn’t say that it couldn’t have happened this way, therefore it must have happened exactly that way.
Cryogenic Chambers
In any case, this impressive display of rationality and logic got me thinking…I think Ken Ham is actually wrong on something. Yes, I know…that’s hard to believe, but stay with me.
If Noah clearly had access to advanced technology, that would obviously require advanced knowledge of observational science in order to build and run that advanced technology, right? Therefore, it seems obvious (and many unnamed scientists whom I will not footnote agree) that Noah was a scientist, and a pretty darn good one at that!
How do we know? Because the Bible doesn’t say that he couldn’t have been the greatest scientist in the world, therefore, he probably was.
And that astounding fact opens up so many possibilities to understand Noah’s flood…
Since Noah was the greatest scientist in the world, with access to supremely advanced technology, it might very well be true that he didn’t even have to bring two baby t-rexes and two baby brontosauri onto the ark—he probably was an advanced geneticist, and therefore probably was able to simply bring on board two fertilized t-rex eggs and two-fertilized brontosauri eggs…in cryogenic chambers that he was able to construct using his advanced knowledge of observational science that Methuselah had been able to pass down to him.
Incidentally, although we can’t be completely sure, but there is ample evidence (the kind that we cannot produce, because it’s historical science) that implies that the cryogenic chambers on Noah’s ark were developed in the pre-flood world renown “Lamech Labs,” located on 777 East Eden Street, on the banks of the Gihon River.
How do we know this? Ken Ham tells us (see claim #7 in this post): Genesis 4:22 says, “Zillah bore Tubal-cain, who made all kinds of bronze and iron tools,” “bronze and iron tools” obviously meaning the ability to construct cryogenic chambers and further the family business.
By the way, we should also note Genesis 4:21: “His brother’s name was Jubal; he was the ancestor of all those who play the lyre and pipe.” The leading biblical scholars at AiG speculate that in the Hebrew the words “lyre” and pipe” really should be spelled “liar” and “pipe”—which clearly are prophecies to warn us against lying evolutionists like Bill Nye, and pot-smoking hippies…like Bill Clinton and Barak Obama…both members of the Democratic party.
Therefore, since Noah, being the leading geneticist of his day, was able to use his advanced knowledge of cryogenic chambers, genetics, and the pre-flood genome to perfectly preserve dinosaur embryos so they could fit on the ark, it only makes sense that he was able to do this with many other “kinds” of animals, thus making it possible to build a smaller ark that we might have originally thought. After all, according to the leading biblical scholars at AiG, the Hebrew word “cubit” really was a reference to the size of a modern day sugar cube, thus making it possible to interpret the dimensions of Noah’s ark to be on a much smaller scale.
Long historical narrative short, we’ve been able to reconstruct what Noah’s ark really looked like. As you can see, the animals on the ark were very happy. The reason why all the animals are smiling should be obvious: the carnivorous dinosaurs had been frozen as embryos in Noah’s cryogenic chambers, and therefore were not able to eat them.
How do we know this? Because the Bible doesn’t say that is not how it happened, therefore, that’s the way it must have been.
In addition, as our picture shows, we believe that the animals in the pre-flood world had the ability to smile—God only took away their ability to smile after the flood, when God gave Noah permission to barbecue…and this clearly didn’t make the animals happy…hence, no more smiles.
Rebellious Abstinence and Clumping
Another revelation Ken Ham has revealed through God’s revealed Word has been in regards to the reason for the flood. Now, we might assume that by the time of Noah’s flood there were millions of people on the earth. Well…na, na, nana not so, folks! Thanks to Ken Ham’s insights, we know for certain that there simply were not a lot of people on the earth. How do we know this? Because God had commanded Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. Therefore, given that commandment, what would be the most obvious way to rebel against God’s mandate for procreative sex?
That’s right! Abstinence and clumping! According to Ham’s son-in-law, Bodie Hodge, pre-flood human beings shook their fists in rebellion against God and started the world’s first abstinence program. As he states (under the heading “Were Pre-Flood Human Beings Few in Number” in this post), “If the world was indeed bad enough for God to judge with a Flood, then people were probably blatantly disobedient to God’s command to be fruitful and fill the earth.” That’s why there simply aren’t a lot of human fossils from the pre-flood world: there simply weren’t a lot of people in the first place.
Now, you might be thinking, “That certainly makes sense, but what exactly is ‘clumping’?” Well, according to Ken Ham, the other reason why there is not a lot of pre-flood human fossils is because humans were highly mobile, and tended to “clump together.” We can’t be sure, but we believe that fig leaves were involved.
As should be obvious, the rebellious pre-flood abstinence program, combined with the proclivity to “clump together” led to a lot of pent-up frustration in the pre-flood world. That explains why the human beings that did exist tended to be very violent and irritable. We learn from Genesis 6:1-4, though, that some of the pre-flood people simply had enough, and started to be fruitful and multiply, but not in a good way. That is why God brought the flood as a form of judgment.
This explains perfectly why there are not a lot of human fossils left from the flood…there simply weren’t a lot of human beings to begin with. On top of that, when they died, their bones just couldn’t fossilize. In fact, according to AiG research, “there would be just over one human fossil per cubic mile of sediment laid down by the Flood!” If that doesn’t make sense to you, then it is clear that you haven’t submitted to the authority of Ken Ha–, I mean the Bible, and you need to repent.
As a side note, according to AiG scientists, the few fossils we do have of the pre-flood human beings indicate that they should be categorized as homo erectus, but they are convinced that some of them were just absolute Neanderthals.
How do we know all this? Because the Bible doesn’t tell us this it couldn’t have been this way, therefore, it must have been this way. It’s logical.
As Bodie Hodge says, there’s A LOT we don’t know: the generations for other lineages in the pre-flood world, the number of children born, the death rates, why we don’t find human fossils buried anywhere in the world with dinosaur fossils. But as “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer” from SNL fame once said, “One thing I DO know! There was a pre-flood world a little over 4,000 years ago in which people had access to ‘technology that would have astounded us (and we would envied!’), and in which people refused to have sex as a form of rebellion against God!”
What Happened to all of Noah’s Technology?
As it turned out, AiG has used their truly astounding capacity for logic and rational thought to conclude that the flood destroyed virtually all of the advanced technology of Noah’s day. Now godless skeptics might mock the biblical account and say, “If Noah used giant cranes, bulldozers, and flux-capacitors to build his ark (which no doubt had the capacity for warp speed), then why don’t we find the remnants of such machinery alongside the fossilized remains of the dinosaurs who perished in the flood?”
Well, Ken Ham has a message for those godless skeptics: “And for those scoffers who say that if Noah had such technology we would find evidence of it, they need to understand the sheer destructive processes of the global Flood. It essentially obliterated the pre-Flood world.” That’s right, the floodwaters were so violent, that they just obliterated every single, solitary trace of every single, solitary example of the advanced technology of the pre-flood world. Call me skeptical, but I’m not so sure that massive amounts of water could completely destroy all traces of that pre-flood technology—I mean, 75% of it, sure…but 100%? I don’t want to suggest Ken Ham is wrong, but maybe there was another reason…
Maybe the pre-flood dinosaurs were whipped up into such a rage during the flood that, as they were drowning, they managed to eat what was left of the pre-flood technological equipment, and the pre-flood acid in their pre-flood digestive system was so powerful, that it was able to completely disintegrate it all.
Why should we believe this? Because the Bible doesn’t say that couldn’t be the reason, so that means it probably is.
Noah’s Last Days in the Post-Flood World
One might be tempted to think, “Despite the raging waters that destroyed 75% of the pre-flood advanced technology, and despite the other 25% that was dissolved in the digestive tracks of the drowning dinosaurs, wouldn’t Noah have still had the knowledge of that technology, even after the flood?” Well, yes, that was true…but the events of Genesis 9 describe the reason why even that precious knowledge was lost.
Genesis 9 tells us that in addition to being a world-renown scientist, engineer, inventor, ship-builder, and geneticist, Noah was also the pre-eminent botanist of his day, and was able to use his knowledge of botany to plant a vineyard. Unfortunately, he ended up turning to alcohol to try to drown his memories of the flood. All that excess wine not only caused him to pass out in his tent, but it also did irreversible brain damage to his frontal lobe, and all that wonderful knowledge of pre-flood technology was lost.
…the fact that his son Ham (who went by the nickname, “Ken”) went in and “looked upon Noah’s nakedness” could be another factor. Such psychological trauma probably caused Noah to suppress all memory of the pre-flood world, the flood itself, and with it, any knowledge of that wonderful advanced technology that we don’t have any evidence of…due to the flood waters and the rampant acid reflux outbreak among the dinosaurs.
So there you have it: a completely rational, historical-science explanation regarding what the Bible doesn’t say about Noah, the pre-flood world, the flood, and its aftermath. The fact that the Bible doesn’t say these explanations couldn’t have happened is yet even more evidence to support that they, in fact, did! After all, that’s the only way to make sense of the claims of young earth creationism.
I hope that my modest contribution to the young earth creationist movement will get noticed by the historical-science experts at Answers in Genesis. Perhaps they can hire me and I can be a part of their team! I certainly hope so…I hear that in addition to building a giant Noah’s Ark, that Ken Ham is also planning to build his own Tower of Babel at the Creation Museum. I think he can really make a name for himself! I’d love to be there to see what God thinks about it.
I DID comment – at the previous version of this blog. What has happened to my comment? Fortunately I saved it:
The speculation, indulged in by some young earth creationists, that loads of other people (who perished) might have helped Noah (and perhaps the other seven who survived) build the ark is a speculation for which there is NO Bible support as far as I know.
According to the strict rules of “historical science” and eisegesis, the Bible is only to be brought in as evidence when it supports one’s thesis and validates your multi-million dollar constructions. Any gaps in information may be filled with whatever detail might lend credence to your position as you have presented it in your amusement park. God understands it is easier to alter one’s interpretation and change minds than it is to rebuild an amusement park.
Hmmmm, the story about the ark is that God instructed Noah to build it, but the Tower of Babel ….. Well, that’s a story with an entirely different plot there. Let’s remember what happened the first time Man tried to build that tower to reach heaven…. Why do THAT again? Maybe we should rethink that plan, Ken.
Brilliant!